An email to a friend

Yes, I’ve been feeling more open to relinquishing control of the future and focusing on the things that bring me joy and feel purposeful to my path. I thought today about how I can live and be exactly how I want to be FOREVER! It’s so cool that we live in a time where we are allowed to look/act however we feel (minus being a stupid racist and a shitty person, that is never allowed or OK). 

I kind of kept thinking that eventually I’ll have to grow up or be boring or something, and I never have to do that(!), I can keep exploring and trying stuff and that feels nice to think about, there is no end result. There is no such thing as Perfect. There is no end. I can explore my Me until I die and try all kinds of outfits and careers and relationships and houses and all sorts of things. 

Thank god. If I ever got to an End, I would stop growing and be boring. Stagnant.

So this whole pandemic of not knowing what will happen has kind of trained me to be only in control of how I feel today and what I want to work on and build today. And to stop thinking of Ends and end results. 

I’m happy you are feeling better. I Hope writing about it can help you feel more in control of it, writing about my feelings helps me a lot.