Sober Thoughts

jan 6 12:44pm

It’s been 6 days and I feel my body knows what is happening and is fully purging out toxins. It is opening itself as if it knows I won’t surprise hurt it again. Never thought about it like this but the times of brutality to my body were always surprise attacks. I would say to it, we will go light and be good and then I attack it with poison. It’s - no… I am trusting myself. I am starting to fully trust myself. 

Trust is the most important part of fully connecting to all aspects of me. Believing what I say and do will happen. Total belief. And trusting that I will find a way out of the pain and into the joy. 

Also beginning to see I had a real dependence, I used alcohol every time I drank it. I used it for relief, for fun, for connection, for comfort. i guess most food and things you do are for purpose, everything has a purpose. Every single action has a purpose, I am moving my fingers in these different strokes so I can type this so that I can feel like I am excavated my mind and documenting my life for future me or for others to see. 

What I decide to do with this life is my own. And the cleaning out and minimizing the clutter of excess things I do not want in my life is crucial. now that I am working on cleaning out my body of all the toxins, I can focus on my career and values.